Dear People on Facebook Petitioning for a "Dislike Button"

I want you to be aware that what you're asking for is a “passive aggressive button.” I understand that the feature is supposed to be used for posts such as “I’m sick,” “My cat died,” “I’m failing out of school,” “I just woke up with a stranger’s blood on my hands,” or any other whiny post that ends in “FML.” That’s not how I’m going to use it though. I’m going to use it to semi-unintentionally destroy friendships.

Here is a list of the sort of posts that I will be disliking: Posts that make mention of bands I don’t like; Posts that contain Bible quotes; Insipid quiz results; Posts that use unnecessary ellipses in place of commas; posts in which the writer holds down the last key for random words, presumably for emphasis; Vague posts which express excitement or despair but don't give any information, through which boring people try to initiate conversation; Posts from people with whom I want to start shit; And any other posts from people who I secretly hate but was too polite to deny their friend request.

You have been warned,
Nicko